Love always, Morgan: Say I love you, every day

Marathon Monday is like Christmas at Lasell. It's a day full of drinking, partying, awesome music and great people. The school really feels like a family on this day. Everyone wakes up early and starts drinking first thing in the morning.

My friends and I spent a while planning out our Marathon Day. It was something we were all really excited for.

We woke up that morning and started drinking champagne. Although we are too young to legally drink, we wanted to at least have the opportunity to celebrate the day with the rest of our school. The whole morning was awesome. I think I saw just about all of my acquaintances. Everyone was so happy and excited, and on top of that, it was a beautiful day. There was music and food and everyone was having a great time.

Mark and I were starting to get tired from waking up so early, so we decided to go back to the room and nap. While I was sleeping, I kept hearing my phone ring, and people were banging on my door, but I figured it was just my friends. Everyone was really hyped up and they had been calling me all morning, so I ignored the calls and kept sleeping. I figured they were just trying to get into my room because maybe they left something in there, so I slept through it.

I finally gave in and got out of bed when it sounded like my friends were about to physically break down my door. The first thing I did was checked my phone. I had 28 missed calls, 6 voicemails, 19 text messages, and messages on Facebook. I opened my bedroom door to find my best friend standing there in complete hysterics. Everyone in the hallway was yelling, and a girl on my floor came up to me saying, "Your cousin Sierra is looking for you."

I went into immediate panic mode. I had absolutely no idea what was happening, and so many different scenarios played through my head in a matter of seconds. I had missed calls from distant family members who I hadn't heard from in months. The first thing I thought was that something had happened to one of my grandparents. I woke up Mark and he knew immediately that something was really wrong. I called my mom in tears and the first thing I said was, "Mom, what is going on?!" I had no idea what all of the panic was about, and I was terrified.

"Turn on the news, Morgan," she said. Mark tried to calm me down as we watched the terror on TV. I was still receiving insane amounts of text messages from random people. It was so overwhelming. It took me a long time to collect myself, call my family members and friends, and inform everyone that I was okay.

It almost felt like all of the panic coming from the people I love, hit me at once. So many people were worried sick that I wasn't okay, because they knew I went to the Marathon, and I wasn't answering my phone. Just knowing that all of these people were worried that I was dead, was a CRAZY feeling that I have never felt before. I didn't know how to handle it.

Mark calmed me down. He kept telling me that everything was okay, and that he was there for me. I don't know if I would have been able to handle myself if he wasn't with me. People were coming into my room and hugging me, and things finally started to slow down.

I started thinking about the future, and how terrified I am that something like this will happen to my children. It is a mother's worst nightmare to go through a tragedy like this, and I am so petrified that it will happen to me.

I wish we didn't have to worry. I don't want to be afraid every time I send my children off to school. It baffles me that the world has to be like this. It makes no sense to me. I am afraid ALL the time. Every time I walk into a store, every time I walk into a classroom. I'm anxious 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, that tragedy is going to strike. You never know when something crazy like this is going to happen, and it is definitely happening more and more frequently lately.

I spent my whole night thinking about this. Trying to find some positive in all of the negativity and heartache. I couldn't go to bed thinking so negatively about people and about the world. I found a quote online that got me to think in a different perspective.

"No. Our world is great. For every one person that plants a bomb, you have hundreds more running a marathon. For every one person that makes a joke about the dead and dying, you have thousands more donating blood, offering prayers, and volunteering their time. Things like this are the fault of single individuals who make violet, loud statements. We just have to make sure that the statements of the good are louder."

I decided to re-watch the news clippings, and instead of looking at the few fallen people, I looked at all of the people risking their lives to help them. They didn't know if there were more bombs to come, but they did everything they could to help people.

Later I found out that a girl I had briefly known when I was younger, and her parents, had all been injured in the bombing. It broke my heart to hear stories of loved ones that had been hurt. I decided to call my family members again, and tell them how much I love them.

Instead of being afraid every day of my life, I am going to start to be thankful that nothing tragic has happened to myself or my loved ones. It is stupid to spend my entire life worrying about what might happen. Instead, I am going to tell my family and friends that I love them, every day. This way, if something does happen (God forbid), I will at least know that everyone knows that I love them.

When something like this happens, it is important to find the positives. Instead of looking at the blood and the pain, look at the heroes. We should all be proud that so many people want to help and fight for us. I know I am.

To everyone that reached out to me yesterday, and was genuinely worried about my safety, I love you. I'm so sorry I made you worry. My family and friends mean the world to me, and I thank God every day that I have these people in my life.

If you love someone, tell them. Tell them every day, every chance you can. Tell them how much they mean to you, and be thankful for every day you and your loved ones are alive.